theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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