i barfeds in our rink
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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