i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
