Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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