after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
even my farts smell like vagina
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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