He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
