You were right. It hurts to walk today.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
