he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
