He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
