getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
