Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
My vagina just clenched in fear
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
