hell yes lets make some ravioli
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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