I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
