I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
