I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
