How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
