We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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