you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I would fuck him just for his dog
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