coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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