Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
