Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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