Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
