Nicole vs. Life
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
