once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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