there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
