You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
be right there i have to get my cape
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
