this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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