Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
then he tried to convert me to islam
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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