I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
