While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Why can't burritos get me drunk
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
