it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
