I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Small penises have feelings too.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
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