im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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