i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
