how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
