my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
