thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I will pee on everything he values.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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