how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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