she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
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