I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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