Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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