I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
