If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize