the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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