my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
