isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
