If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
