benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
