she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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