She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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