It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
