where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
