So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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