My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
