idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
