Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize