Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
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