Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
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