We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
