I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
