I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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