Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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