just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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