It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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