you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
