You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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