I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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