My room smells like vodka and shame
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize