Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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