Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
