i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
