I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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