none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
barbara walters just said penis...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
