Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
ttyl tear gas
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize