I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
