Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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