He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You made out with two different species that night
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
